(Deep breath. Another. Ringing.)
Is this Jolie Hammer?
I was…I am…I am Linda Hammer.
Oh yes. Linda.
My cousin, Harriet—she legally changed her name to Elizabeth—called me. She says that my father died.
Yes. I didn’t know how to reach you.
She told me he had bypass surgery?
He died before they could do the surgery.
When is the funeral?
Tomorrow morning. 8:30.
It’s 8 now. How can I get there? I’m in Connecticut. Travel all night? Where is it?
In Deltona. Deltona? Deltona? I was born in Florida. Where the hell is Deltona?
It’s near Orlando.
Will there be a rabbi there?
No, he will be buried as a Catholic.
A Catholic? He’s Jewish! His father was a rabbi.
He was baptized a Catholic with our son.
Your son? You have a son with my father? My 65-year old father? How old is your son?
He is three months old.
She has a 3-month old son. She is a widow with a 3-month old son. She is Catholic. I have been an only child for 41 years and now I have a 3-month old brother. Did he say…did he leave me anything?
No, he left everything to me and our son. You weren’t very close, after all.
What are you saying? I have a letter. Here. I have a letter: it says…here, it says Dear Linda—it’s written on my birthday—he says your achievements are nothing short of spectacular! You should be as proud of yourself as I am proud of you—there’s more.
But you weren’t very friendly to me.
FRIENDLY? You were having an affair with my father when he was married to my mother. The only time I ever met you was a lunch time encounter on the corner of 53rd street and Park Avenue. You were with my father, I was on my way to a meeting. You are younger than I am. We were all… embarrassed.
May I have his torah? He kept it with him all the time. It was his father’s. Once when he was traveling in South America—in Colombia—it was confiscated and cut open. They thought he might be smuggling cocaine. He was quite upset. May I have it?
I am going to bury him with it.
You are burying him with a torah as a Catholic in a grave marked with a cross in Deltona?
Yes, Jolie said.